# maxims - **Set the tone.** - **What's the story?** - **What's the first line? - **What's the last line? - **Don't "get through" it.** - **Surprise. Delight.** - **Allow your performance to answer: why him?** - **These two fell in love laughing.** # flow 1. **Walk** - Jesse walks up, Eric walks up, flower girl does her cute thing. - "Please stand for the bride." [Music changes] - Sylvana walks down the aisle with her father. 2. **Frame** - Jesse welcomes and officiates with wise words. 3. **I Do's + Vows** - "Do you, Eric, take Sylvana to be your wife?" - "I do." - "What promises do you have for Sylvana?" - [Eric reads his vows.] - "Do you, Sylvana, take Eric to be your husband?" - "I do." - "And what promises do you have for Eric?" - [Sylvana reads her vows.] 4. **Rings** - Rings are exchanged. 5. **Pronouncement** - "By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife—you may now kiss!" 6. **Presentation** - "And now, for the first time: Mr. Eric Randolph and Mrs. Sylvana Randolph." 7. **Walk Redux** - Eric and Sylvana walk back down the aisle. # shopping list - hula hoop # jokes to include or not - come on man we're all thinking it` - you get! - flower girl audition - looks at hand - ==let's bow our heads== # scratch  **philosophize about love or tell you a story about the Eric and Sylvana that’s going to  We can open our hearts. We can open our hearts. And just feel this... connection to ourselves, to each other, to whatever it is out there that’s greater than all of us. We can feel connected and not be afraid that—if we lose that connection—that we won’t be able to handle it. This moment is no different than any other moment in our lives, except for the fact that we have all decided it’s different. Us deciding to gathering here, right now, to celebrate these two people. Without that desire, without our willingness to slow down into presence, then it’s just another day. But what’s interesting is that this special attention we’re giving this moment—that breath, that slowing down and celebrating—that attention can be given to any moment—to every moment, and it should, because while this is important and special, it’s also ordinary. And it’s that reason that gives it such beauty. Eric and Sylvana said to me "we want you to do this, we want you to officiate our wedding" and I knew that there was no story I could tell or quote I could read or words I could say that could possibly communicate who these people are. and it was such an honor and yet, so incredibly intimidating. What story do I tell or what do I say about love that could even remotely communicate who these people actually are. I think sometimes we put too much emphasis on words to do the work.  There’s no powerful anecdote or famous quote or story about “that time in Joshua Tree with the boys” that I could tell that would explain who these people are—not really. I figured the best way to show you who Eric and Sylvana is was to simply be my full self up here. To be emotional, poignant, and a bit silly—and show, not tell you, to show you, in real time, who I am because that’ll show you who they are—people that actually create the space where you can be yourself.** mention the families - maybe at the community vow section? "So any ceremony in reality is no different than any other moment, but for the collective decision as a group when we get together to make that moment special. We decide this moment is to be raised above all the other ordinary moments in time. Your job as the official at the head of the wedding is to usher the crowd into the sacred meditation on this truth." live every day as though it were your last because in some ways, it is, is it your last today and tomorrow will be your last tomorrow and the day we finally move on will feel like any other day, and then that will be the last day. That feeling like you’re going to get on top of all of the mundane busywork and do what you really want to do—that feeling is an illusion. How you live your days is how you live your life. So if you aren’t living the life you want, live today as you genuinely want, and eventually the sum total will reflect the average of a life well lived. Eric and Sylvana said to me "we want you to do this, we want you to officiate our wedding" and it was such an honor and yet, so incredibly intimidating. What was I supposed to say that you don’t already know? They’re beautiful, intelligent, grounded, the funniest people we’ve ever met? What quote could I read? What story could I share? Metaphors help us understand things. Like the idea of "life being a journey." That's a metaphor. When we think of going on a journey, it simplifies the incomprehensibility of life and allows us to follow a prescription: go on a journey, pick a direction, learn the terrain, find some good traveling companions, and enjoy the trip, because sometimes there isn’t anything at the end of the road. Most of your life is the journey, the process of solving problems, it's not about basking in the absence of all problems, there's always something to do, so the way you approach doing these things largely determines your life. permission to dance badly on the dance floor, dancing isn’t about looking cool or standing on the sidelines, we’ve all been to weddings where the dance floor is empty because we don’t know the music but in Berlin there is no music there’s just beats. There's just a trust that moving to music is a powerful act of letting go and inviting others to do the same. You might feel it looks embarrassing to dance because maybe you don't think you're good. The truth is that it's actually more embarrassing not to dance. Turn to someone you don’t know and say Hello and introduce yourself. Shake their hand and just smile and take a breath and We may not know each other, but we all know Eric and Sylvana. And we should embrace that as the thread that connects us. We love them. They love us. And through the transitive property, we can just realize that love exists between us as well. meeting Laura at the wedding, meeting Jonathan at a wedding -- you never know what'll happen, start conversations with someone you think looks fun or hot or interesting an officiant says that witnessing is important this might be odd but can we just take a quick moment? let's take a moment. we'll take a moment—to love the fact that we made it, we're not in a car or on a plane or finding parking, we're seated To be present in the presence of another, and feel whatever it is that feels like, my God it’s one of the most vulnerable things a human being can do. That to me is love. And allowing ourselves to love is inseparable from allowing ourselves to risk the pain of being hurt. But that’s the chance we take. It’s faith. This isn’t a dress rehearsal. This is the wedding. This... is the moment. This is the only moment that exists for each of us, right here, right now. If you’re here with me, great. If you find that your mind is racing or wandering—stop. Whatever it is that you’re thinking about, getting a drink, wondering who you’re sitting next to at dinner, going to bed, an unresolved work crisis, don’t worry—you’ll get there. And you can deal with that when you’re dealing with that. But right now, you’re here. So let’s deal with this. Deal with it. Let’s deal with it. You ready to deal with this? It’s a big deal. Well deal with it now. What was I supposed to say that you don’t already know? They’re beautiful, intelligent, grounded, the funniest people we’ve ever met? What quote could I read? What story could I share? t's funny because i'm looking at you and you guys are looking at me and in some ways it's just like the three of us up here and that's it, how you two doing, how's your week been, lot of planning, logistics, right? weather's good, though. like, what, 80 people? 70? right, we had to cut a few, you know? not everyone makes the cut. if you invite everyone, you invite no one. it's the very act of saying you are to be here today and others are not—that you were chosen—that's what makes you being here special. and there are others that we wish could be here, those family and friends who have passed on. but, truthfully if they were here there's a few of you who probably wouldn't have made the cut, i mean, two more great grandparents on both sides, and that's an entire kinda party of the family that, we'll, i'm sure you'll get the, you know they'll send the christmas card out with the text on the back talking about their vacations and how awesome they were. you'll read about them from afar. but yeah, many have passed and that's why you're here, not only, but it's definitely a contributing factor. # probably not How many brides and grooms I’ve spoken to have said it was all a blur—well that’s because no one gave anyone permission to actually settle into it. Hula hoop fire extinguisher? The very first thing I ever said to Eric was, "So, what's your deal?" To which he responded, "Uh, what do you mean, like, my truth?" When Eric and Silvana asked me, I said it was such an honor to be at their wedding and I said I just have one question. Are you sure about that? we don't have to do this, we're choosing to do this Why me as officiant, explain Sylvana’s explanation i realized they talk to each other about everything because when i'm talking to Sylvana I'm talking to Eric because they've already talked about it, it's like a Dropbox Oh sorry, no, yeah I'm being told that we've cut that. In several weddings I’ve been to I’ve seen the officiant spend a good deal of time justifying why they are the officiant. “The couple chose me because of our longstanding friendship...” etc. I’m going to not do that. Instead, I’m going to just do the job and I think through that it’ll all become clear.